Race for the Cure 2007

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Melissa's Eulogy -Thanks To Kerry Craven

Sweet Melissa

For those of you who don’t know me, my name is Kerry Craven. I’ve known the Cohen family, initially through Ardis and the business, for over 20 years. Melissa was a high school junior or senior when, if memory serves me, she cart-wheeled into the room – fresh out of a gymnastics class – the day we met. When Ardis and Scott asked me to say a few words, I thought I CAN do this if I simply hear Melissa’s voice screaming in my ear…..just get the job done, just get the job done…..so with her “gentle” chiding, I’ll get through this…..no tears in the audience will help greatly, too.

Like many of you here, I fell in love with Melissa’s spirit, her smile, her exuberance for life and, as Holly mentioned so beautifully in her guest book entry yesterday, her fire. The words “no, that can’t be done” never or rarely crossed her lips. She was a force to be reckoned with.

Stanley was a truly passionate creature…..about everything in her life……her film career, her intense love of the outdoors, Disney movies, her animals, her love of children, Dimetri’s Greek food, horror films…….but first and foremost was the love of her husband, her family and her friends.

Her diagnosis three years ago was incredulous….to her and to all of us. But, like the worst show, or the most nightmare of a job, she undertook the art of coordinating……she researched, and read, and educated herself – and anyone else who wanted to listen - well beyond what any doctor could imagine. She was intimately familiar with her cancer and was never ever afraid to discuss any element of her treatment with professionals and lay people alike.

She re-invented the word survivor and made no bones about the fact that she would not give up trying. And, she never did.

From day one, she has had an enormous and valiant ‘crew’…….spearheaded by her Knight in Shining armor, Scott. He has been there for all of the surgeries, the doctor appointments, the chemo treatments….although we all know he had give up some of those, because so many people wanted to accompany her there for those long hours of nothing…….just to be near her. Her first choice for nursing was him. There love for each other was unmistakable……I remember the other day in the hospital when he told her he was going home to kiss the dogs and she put her hand to her lips and turned her head to say to him “kiss me first, honey…” And as we all know, she did not use the word honey often……Scott was her truest love on the entire planet.

And to The teams of other supports that she had in place…..the fundraising efforts and web designing…..Stanley wanted her website to be a resource for others with stage 4 cancer patients……she saw how few resources there were and was adamant about getting valuable information into the hands of other patients and families.

Her recent trips to Disney in 2005 and to Mexico for their wedding were filled with joy and peace. And photos, photos, photos…… She was a true documentarian.

We all have incredible memories of her. Some of us from her childhood, some from school, some from her work…….What we all have in common is that no matter how long we knew her, or how we met her, she invariably touched every single person in a truly unique way. It is an amazing legacy to leave the world with that kind of impact. As short as her life was, her mission was to make it as full as possible every day.

I am honored to have had this opportunity to speak with you about our dear friend.

Had there been a program for today, Ardis summed it up so perfectly the other day when she said……

Melissa learned to walk at nine months, she sped at 16 and she flew at 20…

Now, she soars…………………..

Komen Race for the Cure- Team Melissa Stanley Cohen

Hello Folks-
I will be sending out a big email very soon.

I wanted to post the link to the actual team set up by Michelle White. Please join and/or contribute.
http://kmd2007rftc.kintera.org/faf/search/searchTeamPart.asp?ievent=229427&lis=1&kntae229427=576F411C571F4CF49CDBB9F6042D9752&team=2614402

We look forward to having you on the team. The race is actually being run in Hunt Valley this year. The change of venue may make the conspicuous physical absence of Melissa slightly less sad.

But we must take part. We all know that she would have wanted us to- and that she would have insisted on it.

We also know that she will indeed be walking right there with us, as she lives in our hearts and minds always. Her presence will be felt. No doubt about it!

Thanks and best wishes,
Beth Bell

Melissa's Eulogy -Thanks To Bruce Eisenberg.

Hello, my name is Bruce Eisenberg. For those of you who don’t know me, for 28 years I have been a lawyer in the lawfirm started by Melissa’s father, Stanley Cohen. But more importantly, I am a close friend of Melissa’s and her family and have been for all of my life. By the way, it is her father whose name Melissa used in the film industry, and that is why many of you here know her as “Stanley” Cohen.

It is truly an honor and privilege to be the one asked to speak about Melissa today, and I am grateful to her family for allowing me the opportunity to do so. I just hope I am able to capture the essence of Melissa in a speech, especially when I don’t have Melissa here to direct me. For surely, she would have preferred to give this speech herself to make sure it was done properly.

Melissa was born in April 1971. The first child born to Ardis and Stanley Cohen. She grew up in Ellicott City and soon had a younger brother Jeremy, whom she loved dearly. Jeremy still remembers how his big sister would stick up for him – emotionally as well as physically. When he would get into neighborhood scuffles Melissa, in Jeremy’s words, was “always there to back me up.”

When Melissa was 10 her father Stanley died, but Melissa continued to admire, love, and respect him for the rest of her life. In fact, several years ago, Melissa contacted Levinson’s funeral home to make sure she could be buried at Beth Tfiloh Cemetery right next to her father Stanley. Melissa and Jeremy and Ardis fought together toget through such a terrible loss and became closer as a result of it. Certainly her father’s death had a huge impact on Melissa’s life.

Melissa graduated from Mt. Hebron High School where she had been a cheerleader for a at least one year, she took some courses at Catonsville Community College andthen decided to head out west on her own to learn the film business.

Over the years working in the film industry, Melissa served as the Production Assistant, Production Coordinator, or Production Supervisor on many, many major motion pictures, including Twelve Monkeys, Me, Myself & Irene, The Wedding Planner, Antoine Fischer, Ladder 49, and Failure to Launch.

At the age of 29 or 30, Melissa left California and moved to Colorado where she became a white water rafting guide. Ultimately, Melissa returned to the Baltimore area to be close to Ardis and Jeremy and got back into the film industry locally and then she even went into the mortgage business for a brief period of time.

I try to think of a word that best describes Melissa. Is it Hardworking? Certainly her co-workers in the film industry say she worked harder, with more stamina, than anyone they knew. And has anyone worked for a cause as tirelessly as Melissa did for the fight against breast cancer?

Is the word I’m looking for Tough? A friend of who washer production assistant several years ago will always remember seeing a Washington DC teamster walk out of Melissa’s office in tears, and of course, there has been no one tougher or stronger in confronting an illness than Melissa. One friend described Melissa fighting cancer as she lived – as a warrior goddess.

Is the word Fearless or Confident? Even at age six after fracturing her arm in gymnastics class, Melissa went to Ocean City on a family vacation and proceeded to do cartwheels in the sand with her arm in a cast. When she worked at an Amoco station during high school, Melissa would wear her Amoco shirt to school, not caring what others might think about how she dressed. At age 18 she moved to California on her own. And according to her friend Lani, Melissa has singlehandedly rebuilt her house, hiked barefoot in the California desert, gone scubadiving, and played volleyball with a Marine unit and kicked ass.

Is Playful the word that best describes Melissa? When she got her red Cabriolet convertible in high school, Melissa bought matching red sunglasses. Her co-workers in the film business remember how she would throw something at them and laugh, or playfully knock everything off the desk of the one who was a little too neat or organized.

Is it Wild? Well, I guess we really can’t go into much detail there – suffice it to say that there was decent partying going on at the condo Melissa had in Ellicott City. One friend even referred to her as a wildcat. She was also a skydiver, white water rafter, and skier.

Is the word I’m looking for Devoted Friend? Without fail, everyone, including Ardis, viewed Melissa as the best friend anyone can have. When a friend of Melissa’s mistakenly signed up for the military after high school, it was Melissa who helped her get out of her commitment. While in California, it was Melissa who contacted a doctor in Baltimore to try to get a referral for her California friend. When it didn’t go work out, Melissa drove her friend across the country and just showed up in the Baltimore doctor’s office with her friend. On more than one other occasion, Melissa traveled across the country to help a friend. Many cards sent to Melissa in the hospital, most recently, from her movie industry cohorts, express gratitude for her giving them encouragement and the push they needed to continue in their careers. Melissa’s friend, Denise, recounted how she could and did call Melissa in the middle of the night when necessary and how it was Melissa who helped Denise relocate after a broken engagement. Melissa’s friend and co-worker, Ann, will always remember when they were working on a film in Miami during Christmas and it was Melissa who went out of her way to get a Christmas tree for Ann and others and helped them to have a good Christmas even though they were away from their families. I am told Melissa planned huge weekend meals for friends in each and every place she lived.

Is Honest the word I’m looking for? Certainly anyone who knew Melissa knows that she said what she thought and never sugar coated anything.

Is it Loving? Melissa loved her family, her mother, Ardis, her brother, Jeremy, her sister-in-law, Melanie, her two nieces, Sara and Emily, her aunts and uncles and cousins. She moved back to the Baltimore area to be close to her family and would always go out of her way throughout the years to attend family holiday dinners at Irv and Carol’s house. And, we can’t forget Petie, her little Chihuahua whom she loved so much and would bring him to work with her every day. And, of course she loved her husband, Scott, and realized how fortunate she was to have him, especially through the years of her illness. No one was more devoted to Melissa than Scott.

I guess I must conclude that one word isn’t enough to describe Melissa. Hard working, tough, fearless, confident, playful, wild, devoted friend, honest, loving – they all apply. Which I guess just makes Melissa unique, the word I’ve been searching for all along. Melissa’s smile, which as my sister Barbara describes it, “Went all the way up her to her eyes” was contagious. It represented her zest and her passion for life, her desire to live life to the fullest each day. According to Scott, Melissa made him appreciate life. Her uniqueness led him to tell me he feels so fortunate to have been with Melissa that he wouldn’t change a thing in the past five years. Yes, Melissa was unique. She was one of a kind. From the large crowd here today, it is clear that her uniqueness has touched a great many people and that her spirit will remain with us, and in us, forever.

Bubba Smith, who was a very close friend of Melissa’s father Stanley, and is Melissa’s godfather, tells the story of Stanley holding up his newborn babygirl to Bubba and with great pride saying, “Look, Bubba, look what I did!” Those of you who knew Stanley knew that many of the words I have used to describe Melissa also apply to him. I can’t help but think of the reunion that Melissa is having now with Stanley and Gee, Melissa’s grandfather, and I smile thinking about Gee and Stanley having another third generation family member to argue with. I am sure Melissa’s cousin, Douglas, can use her help in these arguments.

But I think we can all reflect on Melissa’s life and how much she was able to accomplish in thirty-six brief years and honestly say, “Look, look what she did”, and feel very happy for her. Anyway, I think that’s what she would want.

Race for the Cure 2007

HELLO ALL
I could not find a team for Melissa under her name or Get Into Balance
this year and I can only assume she didn't have the time or energy yet to
set up for the walk. I have started a team to walk on Oct 14th in Hunt
Valley.

Pls join us & *****pls forward this**** to anyone who you think may
want to come.

Pls log on to:
www.komenmd.org team name is Melissa Stanley Cohen
Thanks!! Hope to see you all there.

Michelle White

Rest in Peace, Melissa "Stanley" Cohen

The person we all know and love, and the orginal author of this blog, Melissa "Stanley" Cohen, passed away on Wednesday, August 29th, 2007.

You can view the obituary http://www.legacy.com/BaltimoreSun/DeathNotices.asp?Page=Lifestory&PersonId=93563006 and also post to a virtual guestbook there. The "guestbook" stays up for a year, after which time, we will transfer it here.

The funeral was Friday, August 31st and was attended by many, many, family members, friends and work colleagues of Melissa's.

A few of her friends and I spoke about some initiatives we were going to take to keep the spirit of Melissa alive: we'll be putting together a team for the Komen Race for the Cure again this year, her mycancersupport web page will continue to stay up and offer resources for other Stage IV patients, and I will be setting up a flickr photo page account with a user name and password that will be emailed out to anyone on Melissa's original mailing list, and those of the "email tree" that branches out from that- so that all groups of Melissa's friends and family from all over can post their own photos without the aid of an administrator (so anyone can upload pictures to it).

Information is taken care of above, so I would like to post a eulogy tribute to Melissa that I wrote from bottom of my heart. She was loved by many, near and far, and will be missed without measure.

Tribute to Melissa “Stanley” Cohen

I met Melissa on a 2 day location shoot for the movie “Quiz Show”, something like 15 years ago. It was only a 2 day shoot, but we became fast friends. We worked together numerous times, but our friendship grew into a “we’d be friends no matter what we did for a living” friends.

Everyone reading this knew her and loved her and had their lives touched by her in some, or many, ways. Even people she may never have met in person were helped by her, or inspired by her, or impressed by her. From the production work she did for so many years, to the people who she took out on rafting expeditions, to the people she helped get home loans (that would include my husband and me), to the people she helped through her holistic business, to the money she has raised for worthy causes, to the people she knew from school, from Federal Hill, when she lived there, to California, from the internet through her blog and websites- the long arms of her influence stretch wide and far.

She packed more in her short lifetime then most people do who live to be 85. She bought and sold a number of houses, had numerous occupations- that she excelled at, of course, she jumped out of airplanes, fell in love, was the beloved owner to a number of pets, and not only made countless friends, but also connected friends.

If you looked up the word “moxie” in the dictionary, they’d have a picture of Melissa. Sometimes known as Stanley. I asked her one time why the nickname? Yes, it was a tribute to her dad, but she told me that reason she picked a guy’s name for a nickname goes back to when she was living in LA, before moving into the production end of things and she would try to get on the overhire list as a grip or an electrician. They would conveniently miss the name “Melissa” on the list, but they’d call a Stanley. She’d answer the phone and they would have no choice but call her in for the work. And she kept up with the burlyist of them, too. See? Moxie.

Dictionary.com says for “moxie”:
1. The ability to face difficulty with spirit and courage.
2. Aggressive energy; initiative
3. Skill; know-how.
That’s Melissa to me. Anytime any of you faces something that makes you wonder how it can be done, you should remember Melissa, and use her as your inspiration.

If what anyone can hope for in this life is to leave some kind if legacy, rest assured, Melissa’s legacy is enormous. I feel so fortunate to have had the opportunity to be her friend- to have memories and stories from her time here with us to remember and cherish.

At a time like this, we all seek words and tears and actions that will offer us some kind of comfort for the sadness we feel about losing someone so special, so unique and so remarkable. She faced her illness like she faced anything else in her life- head on. It did not define her- and she fought it with everything she had. The sum of her life is much more than her fight with that terrible disease in her latter years. It is all the years and all the stories and all the other battles won and challenges and accomplishments in her life. The comfort I take with me is having known her and loved her and to continue to keep her presence here with me long after her physical body has expired.

Quite a task, yes? But we all know that she is up to the task, don’t we?

~ Beth Bell, Baltimore, MD~

For Melissa

NEW STUFF ON THE HORIZON!

Okay, well, my chemo once a week is going okay. Although I have to say, its not once a week. We have actually been doing it more like once every two weeks. For many different reasons. I have decided to close the doors on GET INTO BALANCE, at least for the time being. I have taken a movie job. My finances were alittle too crazy and doing this movie job will greatly relieve the stress from my financial woes a bit. Its a movie here in Baltimore, so it will be really great to see all the familiar faces I havent seen in so long. I am sure it will be hard for me physically, but I think mentally it will be a welcome change. So Im rolling up my sleeves and diving in!! Some of my wonderful friends have created a website for me. It has helped me a lot and I greatly appreciate all the time that was put into it. I would like to build onto it and create a GUIDE TO STAGE IV CANCER PATIENTS. What do I do when it happens to me?? It might take some time, but eventually I think it will be a great tool for anyone in my position! The website address is:
www.yourcancersupport.com
I hope you like it! There are some more recent photos there too! Have a great summer and Ill be in touch soon!
Melissa Stanley Cohen

ITS BEEN AWHILE

Sorry its been so long, Ive been quite busy over the past few months and a lot has changed.. So, I put the house on the market and headed to Florida. The day after I got there I met with a new oncologist and then two days after that I started a new round of chemo..Gemzar. I had a big progression when I had my last test, so we had to start the new chemo ASAP.. Had my chemo on Friday and headed to Miami on Saturday. I stayed with my friend Colette down there. I felt really bad that week and Colette took me back to Jupiter on Wed to get some tests done that were already scheduled. The pain I was having in my stomach was pretty furocious, so we decided to go to the ER instead.. I found out I had acute appendisitus and needed to have my appendix taken out before it burst, HOWEVER, I had a paricardial effusion, which means fluid around my heart that was compressising it and if I did have surgery, my heart wouldnt make it through.. So we had to go in and do surgery there. Drain the fluid and do a paricardial window.. So on April 4th, I went under the knife again, for two procedures.. Needless to say, I was in the hospital a week and did NOT start my chemo again the following week. They wanted me to heal more. And Scott and I decided to head back to Maryland for good. So, what are we donig with the house. I dont know yet.. But we are back now.. I got back to Maryland in the middle of April and started my chemo again, then got hospitalized with Pnemonia.. Just a couple days though. Feeling yucky and staying in bed a lot. Now its May 11th and Im finally starting to feel alittle better.. I had a great dinner last night with Ardis and Scott. LOBSTER!!! Yummy!!! Every Friday I have chemo and Im actually about to leave the house to go to chemo.. Sunday Ill be at Melanies and Jeremys to celebrate my littlelist neices 2nd B-DAY.. Happy Birthday Emily!! We are hoping to spend the first or second week in June at the beach for an early vacation!! That should be great too. I hope everyone is doing well and hope that spring has been great for all!! Ill be writing again soon!
Melissa

HAVE A GREAT NEW YEAR!

Hi everyone!
Sorry its been so long. Ive been keeping very busy. So, my tumor markets went back up after getting them down so low, I stopped taking my chemo so that I could take a break and my numbers went up. So I went back on my chemo and my numbers stopped going up. I go in today for a treatment and new blood work. I started taking Mistletoe, by injecting it in my belly everyday, I ran out and my doctors out of town for the week, so Ill get back on it, when hes back in town. I am feeling good and keeping busy. I have just taken a job with Donna Gates, the woman who wrote "The Body Ecology Diet". So Ill be relocating to Jupiter Florida. Ill be coming back to Baltimore every three weeks for right now, to work on the house. I am going to sell the house, so if you know anyone interested in a fix'er upper!! Let Me KNOW!! By selling the house, Ill get out of debt and be able to find a rental in Florida. I cant buy down there, the cost of living is a lot higher and the taxes, insurance and hurricane insurance is way out of my reach for right now. I am looking forward to making the change. I know that I will be a lot stricter with my diet if I am in Florida. Its a great opportunity and Im looking forward to it!! Scott is trying to figure out whether he should hold down the fort here in Baltimore until the house sells. If he does this I can stay at Donna's without having a rent to pay. This would help because at this point I cant afford a house in Baltimore and Florida. So we are playing it day by day! Its a new exciting move!! I will have my business still, but based out of Florida rather than Baltimore. I love change, its like getting rid of the old and bringing in the new. Just like a NEW YEAR!! Which it is!! I hope all is well with everyone! I hope your holiday season was wonderful!! Ill post soon!!
Melissa, Scott, Gracie & Timber